I am learning to take life in Waves. Waves.
It's like I try new things. I put myself out there and then grab my knees.
This is a totally new world out here. New friends, some not really friends, some are still surprising me.
Some friends hurt me. I think I'm far too vulnerable some days.
I honestly think I am too true for most of today's friendships. I am the real thing- -which makes me feel like the Last Unicorn some days.
I am learning to guard my heart, to not jump all the way in and to let things be- -as they are- -unfolding as they should, like flowers that bloom in the yard- -or more like the weeds outside of my window that have suddenly changed into flowers.
I think there's a bunch of weeds in my life too, but then, I look back and see what has bloomed out of them.
Friendships that started have died off, perhaps that was God's protection? I hear "Rejection is God's protection," or at least that's what "Steve Urkle" said in The View a year ago.
And, with change, comes pain. It's kindof like when I was training for a three-mile race. My muscles hurt. They hurt for weeks as I kept pushing myself further and further.
And, after months of training, I finally went for it- -JUST WENT FOR IT. At first is was really in my head, "Can I do this? Am I crazy? I can't turn back."
And, moving has been like that. New doctors. New people. New home. I can't look back. I have to keep going.
The first mile was easier than the second. The third made me want to quit. I couldn't see the finish line. Then, I kept going. KEPT going. Then, I could hear the finish line music. And, I kept a pace. I kept putting one foot in front of the other.
Then, I saw the ending and I saw my time. It was good. I finished and almost fell to my knees and cried. I got overwhelmed with emotion. There was no one there to hug me at the finish line. I was reminded I was alone still... 9 months after moving here.. but, then I was also reminded that as things bloom, things will change. Deeper friendships WILL Form..
And for now, I have the "good job" words from newer people in my life- -not quite deeply rooted. I am still afraid they might leave. My heart still on the shelf.
But, I was reminded God never left my side along the way.. As I tried to remember to breathe. As I tried not to watch those passing me up...as I He already knew the ending.. I was never alone along the way.
Muscles ache. They stretch. It all happens at once- -change. WAVES of change. And, yes, I grab my knees, but one day, I'll look up and see how the weeds of change, hardship and pain, changed into flowers.
It's like I try new things. I put myself out there and then grab my knees.
This is a totally new world out here. New friends, some not really friends, some are still surprising me.
Some friends hurt me. I think I'm far too vulnerable some days.
I honestly think I am too true for most of today's friendships. I am the real thing- -which makes me feel like the Last Unicorn some days.
I am learning to guard my heart, to not jump all the way in and to let things be- -as they are- -unfolding as they should, like flowers that bloom in the yard- -or more like the weeds outside of my window that have suddenly changed into flowers.
I think there's a bunch of weeds in my life too, but then, I look back and see what has bloomed out of them.
Friendships that started have died off, perhaps that was God's protection? I hear "Rejection is God's protection," or at least that's what "Steve Urkle" said in The View a year ago.
And, with change, comes pain. It's kindof like when I was training for a three-mile race. My muscles hurt. They hurt for weeks as I kept pushing myself further and further.
And, after months of training, I finally went for it- -JUST WENT FOR IT. At first is was really in my head, "Can I do this? Am I crazy? I can't turn back."
And, moving has been like that. New doctors. New people. New home. I can't look back. I have to keep going.
The first mile was easier than the second. The third made me want to quit. I couldn't see the finish line. Then, I kept going. KEPT going. Then, I could hear the finish line music. And, I kept a pace. I kept putting one foot in front of the other.
Then, I saw the ending and I saw my time. It was good. I finished and almost fell to my knees and cried. I got overwhelmed with emotion. There was no one there to hug me at the finish line. I was reminded I was alone still... 9 months after moving here.. but, then I was also reminded that as things bloom, things will change. Deeper friendships WILL Form..
And for now, I have the "good job" words from newer people in my life- -not quite deeply rooted. I am still afraid they might leave. My heart still on the shelf.
But, I was reminded God never left my side along the way.. As I tried to remember to breathe. As I tried not to watch those passing me up...as I He already knew the ending.. I was never alone along the way.
Muscles ache. They stretch. It all happens at once- -change. WAVES of change. And, yes, I grab my knees, but one day, I'll look up and see how the weeds of change, hardship and pain, changed into flowers.
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