And, I think I'm happy

And, I think I'm happy.

Learning to love being out here with nothing but the stars and the shushing of the wind's kiss on the trees.

My dog lays at my feet. My kids run up and down the hill in the backyard.

The rock sits heavy on the trashcan lid to keep foxes and raccoons out. I turn on the motion light in the morning to watch my son and husband drive to school. Jack, our fox scammers away.

The deer sleep five feet away like happy fat cows in my backyard during the day, then graze when the sun sets along our nonfence lined property. I love how they wander to and fro as if they own this place long before we were here. I am okay with that.

Appreciation of a nonsewage smell in the house makes me happy. This week, learned all I could about septic tanks. Grateful for the green cover and updated plug outlet now buried inside the yard. I know it's safe. And, $1600 later, I know all about septic pumps, how to switch the valve and how to survive when the light screams high water. I know I can go three days without a running septic and survive.

Learning how to shop all at once when I am "in town." It's very Laura Ingalls Wilder. Learned to over buy milk and staples and to appreciate the treats when I get them. Learned also to appreciate life without them.

Learned to live without pizza delivery and weeks without Starbucks. I've learned to make my own coffee concoction at home. My perfect brew: Folgers Vanilla Biscotti coffee pod, a dash of Amaretto coffee creamer and a slice of Hershey syrup or a piece of a Hershey bar works fine. It's perfect and only 80 cents a cup.

Working on making my own scones too. It seems only fitting since I live on Scone drive. Why not? Though, to be honest, if I could buy them, I'd just buy them. I get giddy when I get something new in the mail. I love also having my own non-community mailbox too. Mail order is great. When there's nothing near, ordering and paying shipping seems to be the only way.

I love waving at our mail lady too. This small community makes me happy in my soul. It's like we all take care of each other.

I have one friend out here, actually almost two. I am okay with that. Good friends are hard to find. And, I have some family too. We are related by marriage almost. Well, not really, but she's family. I get to see her Sunday. Makes me feel whole.

No word from my MIL, but expect something is brewing. Letting it be. Have to let hubby deal with it- -or not deal with it. But, I finally feel peace with that. I finally feel forgiveness. It's almost an excitement in my heart to be free of it. It's a joy I can't contain. I am happy. Weight is lifted.

Spending Thanksgiving with my aunt and her husband. Chicken Fried Steak is on the menu and of course, pie. It will be the first time in eleven years that I am not entertaining hubby's mom. We are making the family recipes- -like grandma used to make. We won't overindulge. We make just enough and we will make it together. No kitchen bosses, just kitchen family working together alongside each other in the kitchen. The home feels warm. I can't wait to make memories.

Christmas in Colorado. Excited, yet nervous about getting on a plane as a family of five, being somewhere else for five days, nervous about my mom's Rottweiler dogs too. But, if I can live in a one bedroom apartment for three months, I can have fun in a new place. And, besides, there will be snow.

Found a great place to put the dog while we are gone. It's a dog ranch. $28 a day, but he won't be cooped up in a vet cage. It's worth it.

Found a vet I love. Found a pediatric dentist that's fine. I found a doctor for me and a barber for the boys. Found a dentist for me and hubby too.

It's slowly coming together. I even found a school for my son to attend preschool and he's so happy. And, it only brings balance to my life to have that time apart from him.

It also feels nice not to be poor either. We have what we need and we are not scrimping to buy groceries so we can save to buy and sell a house. It's nice. It's like breathing again.

Bought some things for myself too. Felt great.  We are not talking going crazy, but I bought a pair of boots, some clothes for myself and for my oldest. Small stuff like shoes without holes are very much appreciated. We literally had shoes with holes in them for a while. Wal-mart shoes don't last too long on a six year old.

Living with so little for so long was like living with open wounds. Now, I remember them clearly, makes me appreciate all that I have now.

Makes me happy.

I'll rest here for a while- -enjoying every minute of this blessing.

My marriage is better. We fight. We argue. We fall away. We come back together. We get beneath the layers, little by little. Out here in the country, there's no place to go.

It's good.

Yes, it's good.

I know I am happy. There's too many blessings to count.