This movie was full of HOPE

I'm inspired. Just warm with "Why not?"

I just watched We Bought a Zoo with Matt Damon. And, I expected a sappy love story or a hero saving the world in two hours and a quiet ending.

But, it was far more. It was Good Will Hunting the family version all over again. The characters in the film were flawed, real.  Staggering and full of risk, the film's rant was "Why not? and "You only need 20 seconds of bravery."

The man, after losing his wife, finds himself again in risking everything he has and more. What's more he's never guaranteed to win, but he doesn't look at it like that. He moves forward one step at a time, only knowing that the "zoo" makes his daughter smile.

Twisted and forlorn, he saves a zoo full of endangered species. He's far from perfect. He's scared. Everyone says he won't make it. Yet, miracles keep happening. He hears an encouraging word from a Home Depot employee. He finds hope in a tiger's smile. He finds answers inside of a pocket.

The movie is edited to give you extra seconds of close ups. We see the wrinkles around Damon's face. We see his tears. We see the grit.

No moment is rushed. Though, I had to say the snakes could have been rushed away sooner. I had my head down for that one.

I liked how the wife was a central character in the film. I like how memories and pain are central, yet building motivators for new life. In the bad, there can be good. When there is loss, you can keep that  hope close to heart. It's a new viewpoint on grim facts.

I like that he went away, left it all and found a home inside stranger's hearts. He knew nothing. I want to be like that.

I want to be that person that takes more risks. The person that remembers what's important.  Someone that follows her heart when life's daggers toss you doubt. Someone that takes a leap of faith when there's no net in sight- - yet.

A person that learns when it's okay to let go, unselfishly. A person that sees the adventure  in life- -perhaps even if that's just surviving a trip to Wal-mart with three crazy kids. A person that doesn't back down when a lion roars, or when I land in a pile of stickers.

Why not?

Learning to go in WAVES

I am learning to take life in Waves. Waves.

It's like I try new things. I put myself out there and then grab my knees.

This is a totally new world out here. New friends, some not really friends, some are still surprising me.

Some friends hurt me. I think I'm far too vulnerable some days.

I honestly think I am too true for most of today's friendships. I am the real thing- -which makes me feel like the Last Unicorn some days.

I am learning to guard my heart, to not jump all the way in and to let things be- -as they are- -unfolding as they should, like flowers that bloom in the yard- -or more like the weeds outside of my window that have suddenly changed into flowers.

I think there's a bunch of weeds in my life too, but then, I look back and see what has bloomed out of them.

Friendships that started have died off, perhaps that was God's protection? I hear "Rejection is God's protection," or at least that's what "Steve Urkle" said in The View a year ago.

And, with change, comes pain. It's kindof like when I was training for a three-mile race. My muscles hurt. They hurt for weeks as I kept pushing myself further and further.

And, after months of training, I finally went for it- -JUST WENT FOR IT.  At first is was really in my head, "Can I do this? Am I crazy? I can't turn back."

And, moving has been like that. New doctors. New people. New home. I can't look back. I have to keep going.

The first mile was easier than the second. The third made me want to quit. I couldn't see the finish line. Then, I kept going. KEPT going. Then, I could hear the finish line music. And, I kept a pace. I kept putting one foot in front of the other.

Then, I saw the ending and I saw my time. It was good. I finished and almost fell to my knees and cried. I got overwhelmed with emotion. There was no one there to hug me at the finish line. I was reminded I was alone still... 9 months after moving here.. but, then I was also reminded that as things bloom, things will change. Deeper friendships WILL Form..

And for now, I have the "good job" words from newer people in my life- -not quite deeply rooted. I am still afraid they might leave. My heart still on the shelf.

But, I was reminded God never left my side along the way.. As I tried to remember to breathe. As I tried not to watch those passing me up...as I He already knew the ending.. I was never alone along the way.

Muscles ache. They stretch. It all happens at once- -change. WAVES of change. And, yes, I grab my knees, but one day, I'll look up and see how the weeds of change, hardship and pain, changed into flowers.

Being true to myself.. makes me more than a mom. HAPPY in all caps.

Got new running shoes today. Made my day. Just splurged on myself. I don't do that often.

I did buy some shirts a month ago and I did buy a running shirt and shorts today though.

I did get my hair trimmed in Feb. But, I don't often spend the money on myself.

But, it feels fabulous. I'll run in style. Of course, wearing blue. My shoes are purple and teal though..see, I can live on the edge.. I CAN.

Running a 5K in two weeks. Not that I've accomplished more than 2.8 miles yet. But, I'm okay with that. Feels great to invest in myself.

Also, writing. Went back to writing and I feel so happy. Free. LIKE I found ME again. She's more than just a mom. She's soo much more. I am that mom. So much more when I am true to myself.

True to myself.

I get the story on Tuesday and think it's nearly impossible to get the contacts in a day. It was supposed to be a short turnover. I'm thinking impossible.

Impossible.

And, yet,  Interviews done in two days. Story written by Thursday evening.

It all came together.

And, there I see my name in the byline. It's all the pay that I need. It makes me feel FABULOUS.

Editor says "You are a good writer.. I'll send you more stories.." It's like she's sending me LIFE. Life back into my soul again.

Like the way it feels to run down the hill, around the track, away from the kids and just BE. Just BE.

Just pacing. Just learning to BREATHE again.  Learning to BREATHE for me.

Happy from the inside out.