One of my journalism soul mates, college friends once asked me, as I complained about my missing writing, to be a stay at home mom, "Why can't you both be Sting?"
I wondered why hubby could run after his dreams, yet I was the one at home. It didn't seem fair, though, I fought to be home- -I know home was better for the kids. Hubby and I can't BOTH work 70-hour weeks. Someone has to be home to catch the extra needs.
I've written before that I feel like a mommy hybrid. My heart is at home, but many days, my mind is elsewhere. It's like I am two people. Or, perhaps I was two people- -or another person before kids. I get stuck between my former self and my current place.
Today, I took the kids to the splashpad. I am learning if I keep them busy I don't lose my voice from yelling. Too transparent? Some days, it's that tough.
I talked with a mom that was a rocket scientist. Really, she worked at NASA full time and decided about a year ago to stay home. She admitted to me that it hasn't been easy. She, actually, doesn't feel fufilled.
I said, "Yes! That's normal. It took me about a year to figure out how to stay home and be somewhat, yes only somewhat sane."
I told her even now with just one point five students (one student that works and one that's blowing the class off) I feel life is too simple. I don't feel fulfilled in this role. My heart is at home, but many days I feel like something is missing and I wonder why my husband gets to be the rockstar. I work part time as an online teacher, so that's about 5-15 hours a week. And, lately it's about 3 hours a week. It's too simple.
She laughed.
Trudie, Sting's wife, when asked about his travels on the road for the last 30 years, how does she cope, etc, she said, "Well, I know how much his music means to his fans. And, it makes him happy."
Sigh.
Rocket scientist said she copes with taking a class at a time while her one child is at play school.
I asked, "But, then, there is this tendency to make a degree out of it. Like, you can't stop. I did that with Education and ended up with a Masters degree. I take a Ballet tone class and think I COULD teach this. I SHOULD teach this.."
It's like there's a hole where the competitive edge used to be. There's no one competing. So, I compete with myself. I don't know where to draw the line.
She said, yes and "THAT'S why I am in a program that only allows me to take ONE class at a time.."
She felt overjoyed to hear that I understood how she felt. She felt nothing less than validated. And, we both agreed that in just a few years, we will go back and miss this time. We will think we were fools not to absorb every minute of this time. The challenge is to enjoy now - - for all that it is..the good, with the bad.
It's interesting. Like in the movie Mona Lisa Smile, the women find fufillment at home, while their minds are like the side story of a sitcom. I am living in the opposite dimension.
It seems for moms like me the best of both worlds is to work part time. And, to be sure that part time work is fufilling. I learned a hard lesson when I gave up 100 hours of my time to teach for University of Phoenix and right away I knew it wasn't worth my time. You see, the time I get to myself is very precious now. It's more expensive, that is very very rare...so.. the job needs to be WORTH my time.
It IS a little bit like rocket science being a SAHM. It's a delicate balance between two worlds and the inner view of changing transition. It's an equation. One thing plus another can make you CRAZY or a little less of that can lead to peace. A pedicure can change MY life. Five minute coffee breaks can lead to a deep breath and a smile.
Sitting along side the splashpad, I gained another understanding of "rock star."
I am a one-woman show with an audience of three. It's not too bad to be in constant demand...as long as I appreciate how much my audience needs my music.
I wondered why hubby could run after his dreams, yet I was the one at home. It didn't seem fair, though, I fought to be home- -I know home was better for the kids. Hubby and I can't BOTH work 70-hour weeks. Someone has to be home to catch the extra needs.
I've written before that I feel like a mommy hybrid. My heart is at home, but many days, my mind is elsewhere. It's like I am two people. Or, perhaps I was two people- -or another person before kids. I get stuck between my former self and my current place.
Today, I took the kids to the splashpad. I am learning if I keep them busy I don't lose my voice from yelling. Too transparent? Some days, it's that tough.
I talked with a mom that was a rocket scientist. Really, she worked at NASA full time and decided about a year ago to stay home. She admitted to me that it hasn't been easy. She, actually, doesn't feel fufilled.
I said, "Yes! That's normal. It took me about a year to figure out how to stay home and be somewhat, yes only somewhat sane."
I told her even now with just one point five students (one student that works and one that's blowing the class off) I feel life is too simple. I don't feel fulfilled in this role. My heart is at home, but many days I feel like something is missing and I wonder why my husband gets to be the rockstar. I work part time as an online teacher, so that's about 5-15 hours a week. And, lately it's about 3 hours a week. It's too simple.
She laughed.
Trudie, Sting's wife, when asked about his travels on the road for the last 30 years, how does she cope, etc, she said, "Well, I know how much his music means to his fans. And, it makes him happy."
Sigh.
Rocket scientist said she copes with taking a class at a time while her one child is at play school.
I asked, "But, then, there is this tendency to make a degree out of it. Like, you can't stop. I did that with Education and ended up with a Masters degree. I take a Ballet tone class and think I COULD teach this. I SHOULD teach this.."
It's like there's a hole where the competitive edge used to be. There's no one competing. So, I compete with myself. I don't know where to draw the line.
She said, yes and "THAT'S why I am in a program that only allows me to take ONE class at a time.."
She felt overjoyed to hear that I understood how she felt. She felt nothing less than validated. And, we both agreed that in just a few years, we will go back and miss this time. We will think we were fools not to absorb every minute of this time. The challenge is to enjoy now - - for all that it is..the good, with the bad.
It's interesting. Like in the movie Mona Lisa Smile, the women find fufillment at home, while their minds are like the side story of a sitcom. I am living in the opposite dimension.
It seems for moms like me the best of both worlds is to work part time. And, to be sure that part time work is fufilling. I learned a hard lesson when I gave up 100 hours of my time to teach for University of Phoenix and right away I knew it wasn't worth my time. You see, the time I get to myself is very precious now. It's more expensive, that is very very rare...so.. the job needs to be WORTH my time.
It IS a little bit like rocket science being a SAHM. It's a delicate balance between two worlds and the inner view of changing transition. It's an equation. One thing plus another can make you CRAZY or a little less of that can lead to peace. A pedicure can change MY life. Five minute coffee breaks can lead to a deep breath and a smile.
Sitting along side the splashpad, I gained another understanding of "rock star."
I am a one-woman show with an audience of three. It's not too bad to be in constant demand...as long as I appreciate how much my audience needs my music.
