1. Once you have this child, you will never be alone again. Some days I am giddy when I can JUST get in and out of the car alone. It takes 3-5 minutes to get all three kids buckled in and packed to go anywhere. Plan to be 15 minutes late to almost anything. Also, if I go to dinner, I am the most kind person to my waiters. Someone is taking care of ME for a change? It's like a day spa.
2. Once you have this child you will care about the child- -a lot. I left my journalism career classroom crying like a baby. I planned to stay home just because I thought I should, but I never ever thought anything or anyone could compete with the job I loved. But, a few weeks after my son was born, I was glad I had planned to stay home. I didn't think I'd care that much. Plan to work part time if you can from home, as long as possible. Don't go back before you are ready. I tried to go back, I was a broken-hearted soul of an employee.
3. There will be days you may feel melancholy. Taking care of a child takes all of you 24 hours a day. You won't even sleep without the monitor next to your head. It's like you are "on" all the time. You can't ever let go. At first, they need you every two hours. If you are nursing, that can suck you dry literally. You continue to eat for two even after the baby is born.
4. Your body will never be the same. Sure, you get actual boobs, but you also have extra skin everywhere. Sure, you gained 50 lbs, but you don't lose it all when the baby is born. It takes almost a year and you are still not the same.
5. Your friendships change. Your marriage changes. You change- -forever. You can't completely commit to anything, because all of a sudden there are a thousand variables. It's like you change by growing 10 years in a day. People you knew before don't seem to speak the same language anymore.
6. Your days are prioritized. Work suddenly is just work. You have to get home because someone is waiting on you. There is very little room for spontaneity.
7. For the first three months, you'll be lucky to get BOTH legs shaved. If you have an hour to yourself you decide like it's an emergency: Shower, Food or Sleep? Sleep is good for your mood and your soul. Food keeps you and baby alive. Shower makes you feel human again. Small goals.
8. Kids bring out the best and the worst in you. It's like they were created to test you- -thoroughly. I've had shouting matches with my five-year-old son. He gets under my skin like no other. I mean I worked in two tough high schools. I had 180 students. But, being a mom is still the hardest job I've ever had. It's a job of endurance with lasting effects.
9. You'll be poorer. Your money won't go to YOU, it will go to doctor visits, baby toys, baby clothes, baby things you never thought you'd need. You'll leave the house in your best Ann Taylor outfit feeling cool, only to learn later you had crap on your shoulder the whole time. You'll never carry off cool again like you used to.
10. After baby, very little will gross you out. Before my first baby, I attended a shower where the women passed around dirty diapers filled with chocolate, chili powder, etc. And we were supposed to smell the diapers and make a guess of what was in them. I was mortified. Now, as a mom, very little surprises me. I've cleaned poop off of walls and doors. I've been peed on more times than I can count. I've been spit up on, thrown up on and bled on. Very little phases me. I've become part doctor myself, part child psychologist, teacher and dentist.
11. After baby, your modesty well goes out of the window. Nursing numbs you. And, epidurals and second degree tears are just part of the game. Especially after the delivery when every nurse checked you, took you to the bathroom, took care of you like you were an elderly patient and 10 months (not 9 months) worth of pelvic exams.
12. After baby, you feel culture shock just sitting through dinner or going to a movie. A grocery store trip alone or a trip to CVS could make you giddy- -especially if you haven't been out of the house for six weeks (They tell you to stay indoors during the first six weeks of baby's life. You'll do this with the first child. Second child, it lasts a week. Third child, three days tops.).
13. After baby, you are stronger. You can multi-task. You are a better employee. Your relationship with your parents, your mom and with other moms changes forever. There is a gulf between moms at home and moms that work. You will do anything to protect the child, like a momma bear to a cub.
14. After baby, no care giver will be good enough for your standards. I know. I checked out 12 day care centers and settled on sharing a nanny that STILL drove me nuts. I wanted Mary Poppins, but she wasn't available.
15. After baby, you will appreciate life more than you ever did as you watch it grow. You will be humbled by time. Angered by exhaustion. Cluttered with wrinkles. Filled with more love for someone other than yourself than you could ever dream. It's agonizing. It's like loving your cat (I used to sing to my cat) times a million.
16. After baby, you will never be alone. But, you won't look back. Well, maybe just once or twice.
2. Once you have this child you will care about the child- -a lot. I left my journalism career classroom crying like a baby. I planned to stay home just because I thought I should, but I never ever thought anything or anyone could compete with the job I loved. But, a few weeks after my son was born, I was glad I had planned to stay home. I didn't think I'd care that much. Plan to work part time if you can from home, as long as possible. Don't go back before you are ready. I tried to go back, I was a broken-hearted soul of an employee.
3. There will be days you may feel melancholy. Taking care of a child takes all of you 24 hours a day. You won't even sleep without the monitor next to your head. It's like you are "on" all the time. You can't ever let go. At first, they need you every two hours. If you are nursing, that can suck you dry literally. You continue to eat for two even after the baby is born.
4. Your body will never be the same. Sure, you get actual boobs, but you also have extra skin everywhere. Sure, you gained 50 lbs, but you don't lose it all when the baby is born. It takes almost a year and you are still not the same.
5. Your friendships change. Your marriage changes. You change- -forever. You can't completely commit to anything, because all of a sudden there are a thousand variables. It's like you change by growing 10 years in a day. People you knew before don't seem to speak the same language anymore.
6. Your days are prioritized. Work suddenly is just work. You have to get home because someone is waiting on you. There is very little room for spontaneity.
7. For the first three months, you'll be lucky to get BOTH legs shaved. If you have an hour to yourself you decide like it's an emergency: Shower, Food or Sleep? Sleep is good for your mood and your soul. Food keeps you and baby alive. Shower makes you feel human again. Small goals.
8. Kids bring out the best and the worst in you. It's like they were created to test you- -thoroughly. I've had shouting matches with my five-year-old son. He gets under my skin like no other. I mean I worked in two tough high schools. I had 180 students. But, being a mom is still the hardest job I've ever had. It's a job of endurance with lasting effects.
9. You'll be poorer. Your money won't go to YOU, it will go to doctor visits, baby toys, baby clothes, baby things you never thought you'd need. You'll leave the house in your best Ann Taylor outfit feeling cool, only to learn later you had crap on your shoulder the whole time. You'll never carry off cool again like you used to.
10. After baby, very little will gross you out. Before my first baby, I attended a shower where the women passed around dirty diapers filled with chocolate, chili powder, etc. And we were supposed to smell the diapers and make a guess of what was in them. I was mortified. Now, as a mom, very little surprises me. I've cleaned poop off of walls and doors. I've been peed on more times than I can count. I've been spit up on, thrown up on and bled on. Very little phases me. I've become part doctor myself, part child psychologist, teacher and dentist.
11. After baby, your modesty well goes out of the window. Nursing numbs you. And, epidurals and second degree tears are just part of the game. Especially after the delivery when every nurse checked you, took you to the bathroom, took care of you like you were an elderly patient and 10 months (not 9 months) worth of pelvic exams.
12. After baby, you feel culture shock just sitting through dinner or going to a movie. A grocery store trip alone or a trip to CVS could make you giddy- -especially if you haven't been out of the house for six weeks (They tell you to stay indoors during the first six weeks of baby's life. You'll do this with the first child. Second child, it lasts a week. Third child, three days tops.).
13. After baby, you are stronger. You can multi-task. You are a better employee. Your relationship with your parents, your mom and with other moms changes forever. There is a gulf between moms at home and moms that work. You will do anything to protect the child, like a momma bear to a cub.
14. After baby, no care giver will be good enough for your standards. I know. I checked out 12 day care centers and settled on sharing a nanny that STILL drove me nuts. I wanted Mary Poppins, but she wasn't available.
15. After baby, you will appreciate life more than you ever did as you watch it grow. You will be humbled by time. Angered by exhaustion. Cluttered with wrinkles. Filled with more love for someone other than yourself than you could ever dream. It's agonizing. It's like loving your cat (I used to sing to my cat) times a million.
16. After baby, you will never be alone. But, you won't look back. Well, maybe just once or twice.
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