How to sell a house- -blunt ways to save your sanity

Over the past two years I knew we were moving. I knew my husband was changing jobs eventually and, I just had a gut feeling a major change was coming.

We put the house on the market the first year, seven viewings in 11 months. Two realtors. One wasn't at all like her bubbly video or picture when I met her. She turned sarcastic when I wouldn't lower my price after the first sixty days.  The other realtor was nice, but clearly a retired worker that did this to pay for yearly cruises. With her, we got one showing all summer. The showing cancelled. And, two miraculously when we were about to run out of time on her contract.

Then, in April of the next year, I got the bug to try again. So, we staged the house, did all of the pictures and started again. This time, I went with the town realtor. His pictures reminded me of Beetleguise movie trailer clips, but everyone knew him and so I thought I'd give him a try. In four months, this time we had 25 showings.

He was a nice guy, but soon, I learned he only was the face of the company, he worked mostly part time because of his famousness (he came in Prada glasses) and his crew did most of the grunt work. After two weeks he was suddenly not returning emails but referring me. Even, as I was eager to learn every step of the way.

I was a plyable, eager student. But, I soon learned my place. Selling a home in the 145k range, doesn't get you a great-range of service...I know I was over eager.. I kept hearing, "Well in your price range.. or THOSE houses..etc etc." We were selling a four bed, two and half bath, 2300 home out side of a major city.  It wasn't a $3-500,000 deal. Realtors don't do backbends for 8 grand. And, in the end, I ended up paying 6K to close after living in the home for 9 years. I paid their closing costs and came away with nothing but an escrow check thirty days later.

I also asked everyone what they were doing to sell their homes. Most didn't answer bluntly. Most, lied. Or, most just changed the subject. I dug and dug. I heard all sorts of excuses and "reasons" for homes not selling. But, I never got the "real" story until I was in the trenches myself.

Friday, after six months and two years of on the market "fun" our house finally closes. As I look back, I can remember each room. The nursery. The tree in the back yard. The kitchen. The living room and all the work we did. All of the memories. And, I feel a little of something, but most of what I felt was lost through the process of selling. I only cried when I painted the baby blue walls neutral and when I had to kiss our beloved tree out back goodbye.

I also had to have a circle of friends and family nearby to call. I had my share of rantings, tears, angry fits, prayers crying out in agony will this ever end type days.. It was a LONG stretch.

It was as I refer to it as a "slow divorce," but maybe my tips will help someone else. Here it is: tips to save your sanity..when you try to sell a home in 2012. Blunt, but real.

Blunt tips for selling your house

1.     Pick a realtor everyone knows. These people know everyone and they can get more of their buddies to see your house.  It's like picking the prom king. Pick the popular guy or gal. Don’t pick someone with a nice picture in a small company. Pick the town realtor big wig. He or she will have a crew of people dependent on selling the house. And no matter who you choose, they are bound to turn a little annoying after the first week or two. When you first meet them they become your instant buddy (aka eager to get your signature for any dance) then, things change. Quickly.  It’s a business. It’s smoke and mirrors. And, at the end of the day, the price sells the house. That and prayer and patience.

2.     Or, pick a realtor that’s somewhat new with a small office and no staff and that realtor will still be green enough to care and the job will get done. That's how we bought our new home.

3.     Prepare to lose about 16 grand. In this market, think about what you’d LIKE to sell for and mark it down 10 grand, then wait. Budget to mark it down another 5 grand WITH repairs. Be prepared for the buyers to ask for the world. Be prepared to be angry. We tried to sell for 154. The house sold for $147, with us paying closing costs and 500 in repairs and two months of delay with closing dates.

4.     Prepare in that budget to give closing costs too. Now people have to have a down payment and another 5 grand for closing and they can’t get loans so it truly is a buyer’s market. But you will make it up when you buy.

5.     Your pictures online are a pretty big deal. Work hard at making those count.

6.     And, sadly take down all of your family pictures.  Mine sold the DAY AFTER I did this. Even one picture in the hallway, take it down. I know, it’s YOUR house, no, for three to six months, it’s a museum that you must try to pretend you don’t actually live in.

7.     Don’t get emotional. It’s a house. It’s a slow divorce. Be prepared to feel and go a little crazy with this constant cleaning thing. Especially if you have kids and pets. Also, be prepared for the dodge ball experience. The phone rings for a showing. The house is a mess. You’ve got ten minutes to clean and get out of the house. And, after all of that, they may not even show up. Or, they may give you feedback that will blow your mind (i.e. the walls are too short).

8.     When they come to see the house, if you want, stick a card in the front door jam so you know they came. Leave and don’t watch the house. You will drive yourself crazy. And, most of the time you may have no idea if they actually came. It’s a thankless torture.

9.     Clean, leave and try not to think about it. But you will agonize over every detail, every comparable house in the neighborhood, etc.

10. Don’t make too much of the online feedback. Half of the time they are not correct feedback postings. Most of the agents are lazy. Don’t expect much feedback.

11.  Don’t hang around when they inspect your house. It’s awkward. And take a deep breath before you read the inspection report. It will feel like someone is criticizing your first-born child’s baby photos.

12.  Be prepared to haggle. Be prepared for pitfalls, for things to change instantly and to have to start all over. I remember sitting there watching the people come in and out of the house on the edge of my car seat biting my nails. Kids and dog in car, we had cleaned for two hours and circled the house for two hours so that it could have a five minute showing. It was brutal.

13. Keep your head high. Keep looking for your new house. This will keep your spirits up. Remember, it will be over, eventually.  And, you will walk away a little angry, but your new house will be better and you, like those who bought your house, can ask for the world and expect it in this market.  And, you never know what tomorrow will bring. Like, my friend Natalie kept telling me, "It's going to sell. It's going to sell," this chant kept my spirits high.  Keeping this in mind kept the Eeyore in me from taking over.