"Even the trees are different here.."

The house is in need of lots of TLC when it comes to trees and clearing. It's like it needs a facelift or two or three. So it's become my job to find the best candidate for the job. So, far I've interviewed a pirate-look-alike, an arbor enthusiast and a surfer-black and white song Michael Jackson video surfer dude at the end of the music video look-alike.

The surfer tree cutter estimate guy walks up and starts talk to me about the trees today.

He says “See, you need to cut this one back because the Oak tree behind it can’t grow.

"The tree coming through was taking out it’s life. It was sucking it dry. It was keeping the branches from reaching up and toward the other side."

All I could think about was relationships. Like my MIL and people in my life that have been toxic- -that have been in my life and kept me from growing toward the light- -my light- -or the best and brightest place for me.

Or, perhaps, sometimes it was me keeping myself from growing toward the light. Focused on the darkness or the bad over the good.

I think about putdowns or LIES rather I’ve believed all this time about myself. Now, at 34, I still have to brush these under the rug.

I remember when my OBGYN walked out in a huff one day after a routine exam. He said, “You’ve gotta start believing you are a smart beautiful woman!” 

The words stuck in my head. And with all these NEW people coming by in my life- -even tree people, skylight fixer and septic tank worker, I am meeting people of all walks of life.  It’s like being a freshman again in high school. I’m walking into the lunchroom for the first time and I don’t know where to sit.

And, they can tell I’m green. It stumps my self-confidence a little. It’s easy to rule a roost when you’ve been there for years, but to come in and to take charge, well, that’s more about acting. I guess they say act it until you can believe it.

So, I play taking charge of the land. Yes, take those pine trees down. I own it. The other tree hippie says “You can’t! Save the precious tree!”

Yet, he and I could have talked for hours. He reminded me of my dad and my kids’ former pediatrician rolled up in one person. I think we actually talked for two hours and it felt like half an hour.  He got my vision for the property. I told him he both inspired and annoyed me. He showed me everything that COULD be about the property. He also reminded me of my mom. She has a green thumb and an artist’s touch. My husband didn’t like his price and said to get more estimates, ironically, I was inspired, but I had to keep looking. Maybe I can use him as our landscape guru. But, what a moment to connect with another artist.

But, today I talked to surfer dude. Blue eyes and a new college graduation grin. A degree in forestry from Aggieland he bragged with a firm handshake. I had to shake away the giggles. He gave us the lowest estimate and the fairest price. Only $1800 to clear out the land of the shrubs and five or so trees that were overgrown. We keep the Oaks, clear out the Pine and Cedar trees.

Worried it will look naked or disturbed. Hurt that I have to hug the trees and say I am sorry to them.  But, the inspector said it’s the best thing for the property. So, I sigh and make the decision and sign the consent form….

Still, I am trying to inhale the spirit of the land. And, it’s teaching me. And, I feel like I should ask permission first.

I type next to the only sound out here—a howling old freezer. It moans all day reminding my why it was free.

So, with the newness of new relationships, new friendships, new expertise, I embrace the day, learn from the yesterday, prune out the bad, hold on to the new. Watch the changes in landscape- -and appreciate the changes in me. Holding on and believing. It really is a sifting of my life and a huge moment of pruning.

Even when I get the boxes from the move, I toss things that were former treasures.

It’s weird how nature speaks to us. 

I was blessed to interview a young girl in my early reporting days from Russia that was brought here with the help of missionaries about five years ago. They were going to save her arm with medical sponsors. She said of her first impression of America and her heart, “Even the trees are different here.” The American team saved her arm and changed her life forever.

Yes, even the trees are different here two hours from home. I can only imagine how she must have felt continents away from home at age 14. Still, at 34, having never lived away from home before, I still feel almost that tender. 

And, I hear the hippie arbor guy say, "Pine trees are considered gold because they just don’t exist out here" and we are choosing to make room for something new.  He frowns. 

Everything is not always so clear.

It’s like the gold inside me is buried treasure too. I am finding too as I stand out here, without distraction. Everything speaks to me. The roots, the trees, the birds that made their home in the shrubs.

They chirp with nothing to claim their own and yet they are happy—happy enough to sing a song. Life can be so simple.

I stand out here, trying to claim land that isn’t exactly mine yet.

Perhaps I am waiting for it to embrace me too.