F bombs and mixed blessings

This was written as we were staying in a 1 bedroom 400 sq foot apartment, trying to sell our Houston home and just after visiting the 2100 sq Houston home to pack up.

Today I was awoken at five am by a neighbor of sorts yelling and cursing about money. He used the F-bomb more times than I could count.

He threatened violence and there was power and force behind each time he used the word. I peaked outside and saw nothing. He must have been above us or below us or walking outside of the three-story apartment complex.

Now, I've lived in bad neighborhoods before in NW Houston. I've felt the chill of someone watching. I remember the day my grandmother's Cadillac got stolen right outside of her driveway. I was about 11 and I just FELT like someone was watching us that night.

And, I remember when the alarm went off in the house and she grabbed the gun...But, I didn't feel this kind-of-scared this morning. But, I worried enough to check on the kids and lay away from the windows.

I layed on the floor. It just felt like he would begin shooting or something. It bothered me enough to start looking for rent houses too away from the 500 sq foot box we are living in until Oct 18th.

Mikey starts school Monday. We continue our house search Monday too. The offer we made for the house we found was liked SOOO much that they seller decided to take the house OFF of the market.

I look at it like a closed door and a blessing. I really do.

I am not quite sure yet how to look at the yelling and cursing alarm that awoke me this morning just yet though.. All, I can say is that coming home to pack up more belongings put a smile on my face that hadn't been there for MONTHS!  Husband packed. I took the kids to church. "Don't cry." I said to myself as I withheld my emotion to run up to the pastor and high five him.

I later got a chance to high five him when we all shook hands and he remembered me enough to ask, "You! You're here?" I said, yep, "It was worth the 3 hour drive."

I felt at home. It was right. Everything was right with the world.

I then took myself out to the Starbucks I love near my home. Hot chocolate and then home again to live for a day in my MANSION! Every child has his own room. It's awesome.

I didn't realize what a SHOCK it's been to live in such a small place. Emotional shock.  Emergency feeling kind-of shock.

TO be home. HOME.  Home, where it's quiet. Where I can breathe. HOME, for one more night.

HOME.
Amazing what you can feel when you get away for a while.

Humility and the first days of school

Joining a new place has been a lot like starting at a new school.

It's very Felicity pilot episode. Right down to the part when Felicity runs into her new friend as class and it's emotional. This is me. I sat down yesterday at the YMCA. Dropped off my kids. Filled out a form. All I could do not to cry. I told myself, "Stay cool. Don't cry." Stay cool.

Felicity

I feel like we are hobos of sorts. Riley's wearing shoes two sizes too big because his current shoes are not working. Noah's wearing shoes that sortof fit and Mikey's due for a new pair. And, they all share clothes. My "best" is a pair of jeans. Half of my clothes are back at the house.

And, I want a note on my car that says, "Be patient with me..I'm learning the roads.. I promise I'm not an idiot.."

So, we look like a ragamuffin family at times. We live in a box. We have like two cents to our name. No one knows us. We have credit with no one. 

I applied to register my son at school today and they gave me red tape. They said," You have to file with HR at Central office, then get the form and then we wait.."

It was nice to call husband and suddenly the Superintendent of the school district sends us an email with letterhead and his signature. Then, I call Mikey's new school again and talked to the same lady who led me to all the red tape and suddenly I get a very sweet "Hello" with a giggle.

We show up on time with all the documents. It's almost too easy. It was a joyful moment to both get there driving up these cliffs and feeling lost in a new place and to show up with forms in a place we don't even live in ...yet. I sign up next to a couple on WIC with "no income."

Usually, I would judge them with a thought like, "It's not fair!" but, this time I don't feel that way. I get it. No one is better than anyone else..And, all those times, I was wrong. This sense of humility has been really good for me.

Went to look at a home today.. it was disappointing. The house was surrounded by unkept HOA nightmare houses and goodness, not a place I'd want the kids to grow up. Disappointing because it's the ONLY house we can afford to live in 5 minutes from Mikey's new school.

Every day is a learning curve. Today I found the grocery store again. I found my way home. I found Hwy 620. No one cursed me off the road.

Today I got a smile at the YMCA. The kids' teachers remembered their names. I learned a few of the ropes.

Found a home in Leander. Talked on the phone to the real estate agent. Got the financial questions answered from our lender.

Small strides for a hobo.